The Soft Strength of Spontaneity: Redefining Resilience for Recovering Perfectionists

There was a time in my life when “resilience” meant pushing through—white-knuckling every task, showing up with a smile even when everything inside me was frayed and threadbare. Back then, I thought strength was stoic and tidy. Quiet suffering. Holding it together no matter what.

And yet, the strongest thing I ever did… was fall apart on purpose.

Now, as someone who cleans and organizes homes for a living—and who built Tidy On Your Terms to support people healing from burnout, perfectionism, and trauma—I think about resilience differently. Not as muscling through mess, but as learning to dance with it. To adapt. To laugh, even, when the dishwater gets in your glove and it’s just the last straw.

This post is about soft strength: the kind that isn’t praised as often, but might just be the cheat code to healing.

Letting Go of the One Right Way

For so many of us—especially if we grew up in high-pressure environments or learned to survive through control—resilience meant sticking to the plan. Powering through. Never letting the cracks show.

But here’s the truth: healing doesn’t follow a blueprint. Neither does real life.

Whether you’re recovering from depression, living with PTSD, raising kids, starting over, or simply trying to be a little better than you were yesterday—you’ll try things that don’t work. And that’s part of the work.

Maybe you thought you’d thrive with a strict morning routine, and instead found yourself crying into your coffee. Maybe you bought the trendy cleaning system and now it’s collecting dust in your garage. Maybe your healing doesn’t look like Instagram, and your success doesn’t come on a color-coded chart.

That's not failure. That’s feedback. Flexibility is what lets you hear it.

Spontaneity Is a Survival Skill

If resilience is about bouncing back, then spontaneity is what lets you pivot. It's the muscle that says, “Okay, that didn’t work… now what?”

During the height of my own burnout, I kept myself going with cleaning and organizing videos. Hours of strangers shampooing carpets, decluttering garages, restoring hoarded spaces. It wasn’t the aesthetic—it was the transformation. It reminded me that chaos could become calm. That things could be reimagined. That people could too.

That obsession became a calling. But only because I was open enough to follow the pull of curiosity—without knowing why.

Spontaneity isn’t recklessness. It’s openness. A willingness to admit you don’t know, and that maybe—just maybe—the best solution hasn’t occurred to you yet. That life (or God, or the universe) might bring it to you in a moment of laughter, or in a conversation you didn’t plan to have, or in the middle of washing dishes.

There’s Strength in Shifting

People often assume I’m naturally tidy. That I must’ve always been organized, that I never let anything fall apart. And I laugh—because what actually makes me good at this work is that I have fallen apart.

I know what it’s like to try five different organizing systems before finding one that feels manageable. I know how easy it is to confuse “cluttered” with “bad” and “clean” with “worthy.” I know what it means to cry in the laundry pile, then laugh about it two hours later, because the baby spilled yogurt on the one thing you just folded.

That’s the heart of Tidy On Your Terms—not tidiness for the sake of looking good, but organization that feels peaceful to your nervous system.

Sometimes, it’s going to look different every day. And that’s not a lack of discipline—it’s adaptability.

It’s resilience, redefined.

The Real Message

If you take nothing else from this post, let it be this:

Resilience doesn’t always look like discipline.
Sometimes it looks like trying again.
Sometimes it looks like pivoting.
Sometimes it looks like saying “yes” to something you don’t understand yet.
Sometimes it looks like rest. Or laughter. Or winging it.
Sometimes, it looks like letting the plan go completely and following what feels kind.

You don’t have to be rigid to be strong.

In fact, you might find your greatest power in the moments where you soften.

Want to Redefine Resilience With Me?

If this message resonates, Tidy On Your Terms was made for you.

From peaceful cleaning routines to judgment-free organizing support to digital tools that help you reset without the pressure, everything I offer is designed to help you find your version of strength—not the one you were taught.

Ready to work with your nervous system instead of against it?

Explore my shop + services here.
Or come say hi on Instagram.

You deserve a life that fits you—even if it’s a little messy, a little weird, and a lot more fun than you planned.