Why Self-Love? The Key to Lasting Change
3/14/20253 min read
Why Self-Love? The Key to Lasting Change
We’ve all been there—setting big goals, making detailed plans, and swearing that this time will be different. But then, life happens. We get overwhelmed, lose motivation, or just feel stuck. And when that happens, what do we do? Most of us fall into the same old pattern: beating ourselves up, thinking we need to be tougher, more disciplined, or just "better" to succeed.
But what if the key to real, lasting change wasn’t about being harder on ourselves—but softer?
The Secret to Change: Consistency
Think about a baby learning to walk. He doesn’t need to be the smartest baby in the world. He doesn’t need perfect conditions. He doesn’t even need to work “hard” in the way adults think about it. He just needs to be consistent. Step, stumble, repeat. No shame, no self-judgment—just the natural process of learning.
That’s the same way change works for us. The real key to transformation isn’t willpower, luck, or privilege—it’s consistency. And the way we show up consistently in our lives makes all the difference.
The Three Types of Motivation
When it comes to consistency, we usually act from one of three places:
Willpower – Forcing ourselves to do something. This is exhausting and usually doesn’t last long.
External Motivation – Doing things for rewards, validation, or to avoid guilt. This can work for a while, but it’s not reliable.
Intrinsic Motivation – Doing something because it feels good, aligned, and natural. This is the easiest, most sustainable form of motivation.
Of these three, intrinsic motivation is the path of least resistance. It’s what keeps us coming back day after day without feeling like we’re constantly pushing a boulder uphill. And the easiest way to tap into intrinsic motivation? Making it feel soft, easy, and gentle.
Why Self-Love is the Missing Piece
We’ve been taught that change should be painful—that if we’re not struggling, we’re not trying hard enough. We think if we hate ourselves just the right amount, we’ll finally “fix” what’s wrong with us.
But, as Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
Self-love isn’t just about feeling good about ourselves—it’s about creating the best conditions for consistency. When we approach ourselves with kindness, patience, and forgiveness, we stop tearing ourselves down every time we struggle. We don’t quit just because we missed a day or slipped up. Instead, we keep going—just like a baby learning to walk.
This Applies to Everything
Self-love isn’t just about self-care Sundays and bubble baths (although, no judgment if that’s your thing). It’s about how we treat ourselves in the moments that matter—when we’re tired, frustrated, or feeling like we’ve failed.
Tidying Your Home: If you approach cleaning with shame, it becomes a punishment. If you approach it with self-love, it becomes a form of care.
Building New Habits: When you give yourself grace, you’re more likely to keep going rather than quit after a misstep.
Healing from the Past: Forgiving yourself allows you to move forward instead of staying stuck in guilt.
Self-love is the foundation for everything. And when you practice it, you’ll start seeing positive shifts in every area of your life—your home, your habits, your mindset.
So, let’s stop trying to hate ourselves into change. Let’s learn to tidy together—with patience, with grace, and with a whole lot of self-love. Because the easiest way to build a life you love is to start with loving yourself.
If you want to dive deeper into this, we highly recommend checking out our book Tidy on Your Terms. Find it in our shop! <3
